People will use ”should” as a strong motivator for you to change. The problem with this is the human response to “should.” When someone tells you that you “should do this or that,” because they think it’s right, you’ll want to naturally rebel. It’s the projection of shame. So, when someone tells you, “You should be good,” you will find a way to be bad. Maybe not immediately, but your mind will be inclined to reject the notion for change.
It’s amazing what happens when someone makes the shift from should, and they’re encouraged in a healthy way.
They see honesty not just as a virtue, but as they only way they’ll have intimacy.
They see confession and ownership of their faults not as something humiliating and guilt inducing, but as the way to grow and reach goals.
They see listening to feedback and correction, not as someone telling them they are bad, but as receiving a gift that will bring them life.
In other words, when someone isn’t under the shame of “should,” they see it as the way to life. Let’s dive into this further.