You need to depend on others to help you set and keep your boundaries. People subject to another person’s addictions, control or abuse are finding that after years of “loving too much,” they can find the ability to create boundaries only through a support group. Their support system is giving them the strength to say no to abuse and control for the first time in their lives.
There are two reasons why you need others to help you with boundaries. The first is that your most basic need in life is for relationship. Many put up with abuse because they fear their partners will leave them, and they will be alone if they stand up to them. Fear of being alone keeps many in hurtful patterns for years. They are afraid that if they set boundaries, they will not have any love in their lives.
When they open themselves up to support from others, however, they find that the abusive persons are not the only source of love in the world, and that they can find the strength through their support systems to set the limits they need to set.
The other reason we need others is that we need new input and teaching. Many people have been taught that boundaries are bad, mean or selfish. In the church, some have said that boundaries are not biblical. (Not true!) Supportive people will help us to stand against the old messages and the guilt involved in change.
Until next time …