Setting Boundaries…

From Dr. Henry Cloud, 3/20/2019
Hey, guys. 
In the following situation, we’re talking about someone who uses control and manipulation to get what they want out of selfishness. This doesn’t necessarily apply to relationships where abuse is present. If you are in a relationship where abuse is present, please talk to your local authorities for additional help. 
In one of my seminars, a woman once asked, “How do you deal with controlling people?”
“You convert them,” I said. 
You convert them from being controlling to being frustrated. The only way people can be controlling is for you to do what they want. Here’s what happens: They get angry, or use guilt, or get pushy, and you give in. If you say no to them and do not do what they are demanding, then they have no control over you. They become frustrated as they try to get control of you. You have converted them from being controlling to being frustrated simply by not giving in to their demands. 
You can try saying something like this: 
  • “I know it’s frustrating to you when I say no. I can see it’s hard for you to accept.” 
  • “I know it seems like I don’t care. That must be difficult, but I hope you can see that I do care.” 
Don’t return anger with anger, but don’t give in either. I know there is a lot more that can be said here, but I hope this gives you something to reflect on and offers some encouragement.

Still want to know more? Let’s talk about it here



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